In Your Skin

It’s a funny place here, in your skin. Why do you keep it

So very pale? Like a sail left out in the sun

For too long and then flown at the turning of tides,

Though it glides across all of the seas

Its beauty is gone.

Such a strange place here, in your skin.

Like an ivory sheet thrown

Over sharp bones, pale tones and fingers

Pointing blame at passers-by of unknown crimes

In times when everyone seems guilty of lies.

Toughened like leather, but stretched too thin,

Keeping the world out and the warmth in.

Let he, without sin

Be the first to cast stones and break this skin

To warm the world and everyone within.

Why keep it in?

A barrier to the world

Unfurled across brittle twigs and branches,

With chances of breaking at the slightest touch.

Is it too much?

Let me help you cast off this blanket

And thank it

For you will be free from the burden to hold it all in.

Your skin.
Like porcelain, so delicate.
A feathery silk dressing

Impressing all those that long to be part of your heart,

A start, would be simply to look past your skin.

What an odd place here, in your skin.

It’s clearly protecting but something’s deflecting

From letting the happiness in.

A blank piece of paper draped on an easel

Is nothing without the artist to do the drawing.

Boring. It’s gnawing at me where I’m trying to see

That you have so much beauty but choose not to show it,

To grow it and let it be free.

Is it me that stops you from being happy

In your skin?

I’d happily show you that all that I love

Is not above but below what is covering,

Smothering the splendour and wonder within.

Your skin.

Such a burden to be in your skin

But I thank you for letting me in,

As it’s clear that you rarely permit for it

To have ever happened before,

But more should really be here to see

And be part of the wonder of you,

My love,

To be part of the wonder

Within.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Poison

Tonight is just like any other night,

And nothing like any night before

I’ll sit here till the breaking of the light,

But never again see another dawn

The darkness blankets me but I am hot,

I shrug it off and cast it to the floor,

The arctic wind chills my blood to clot,

Near frozen, so I slam the open door.

The blood is boiling up behind my eyes,

But draining out from deep within my heart,

I slump down on the floor and grip my thighs,

And pray soon that this sadness will depart.

Enraptured in a fit of hate and fear,

I crawl into the corner in the dark,

The tides of hell are flooding in, so near,

And yet I will not board the saviour’s ark.

My breathing starts to shallow and arrest,

As pain is speared deep into my side,

I sense a crushing demon on my chest,

Then feel it writhe around on the inside.

I grasp my hair as tears roll down my face

And leaves the tracks of misery behind,

My fading soul drifts to another place,

A fragment of salvation for my mind.

The rolling hills are bathed in the light of the morning sun,

A cloudless sapphire sky enveloping everyone,

A weeping willow blossoms in the light of the warming rays

An emerald carpet spreads out as far as these eyes can gaze.

I feel the warmth caress me and fill my soul anew,

No longer do I suffer from the pain I have been through.

I lie down in this paradise and wrap myself in jade,

Finally I am in the sun and far from any shade.

There is no pain, no sadness, found here in this rapture,

No eyes bleed tears of sorrow, no heart suffers fracture,

Could this be the peace that I have searched forever for?

Finally an open window, not a padlocked door.

But suddenly that window slams, the door is bolted tight,

The emerald carpet turns to dust, the clouds blot out the light,

The weeping willow rots and dies and crumbles to the floor,

Euphoria is smothered out and pain returns once more.

A rush of lightning races through my veins,

Where once was warmth there now is only pain,

I try to scream but it is muffled out,

A mask of plastic smothering my mouth.

I try to see but blinded are my eyes,

An unseen force preventing me to rise.

My efforts, futile, lose ferocity,

I feel a faintness overcoming me,

And as before my body turns to stone,

I suddenly feel desperately alone...

The weakness this time heavy and forever,

Please let not this be my last endeavour

I want to see your faces one last time,

And ask you to forgive my wicked crime.

I did not mean to hurt you all like this,

It was a desperate cry, a final wish.

A prisoner like me had no escape,

For these bars were not so easy to break.

Incarcerated in my shattered head,

My mind had rot, my soul was all but dead.

And as I slip away from howling cries,

I see no weeping trees or sunny skies.

No fields of green but oceans, painted black,

I feel not warmth, but ice upon my back.

Exhale a breath for one last final time,

I wish forgiveness had somehow been mine,

But no more does my body let me live,

I have no more to life which I can give.

Embracing hand, oh why not here to lend

There is no guiding light here at the end...

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Progress

Keep on running, walking, crawling, clawing at the floor.

Pushing onward, upward, skyward, forward all the more.

Don’t give up and don’t give in and let the bastards beat you.

In the end you’ll look back at the space you’ve left between you.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

The Ground is Soft Here

The ground is soft here,

You cannot see the earth, for it is littered with men.

Like the fallen buckled branches of a forgotten fir tree,

Twisted against the dying sun, casting awkward shadows

Onto the scarlet soil.

Bloodied. Battered.

Broken.

Bodies,

Ensnared in wire, strangling the last splutters of life

In a fountain of red toward the stars, offering a sacrifice to the heavens

In exchange for a quick death.

An offering,

Ignored.

The ground is soft here,

Craters scatter into the horizon.

Graves

Filled with lost heroes, spilling over into the mud.

Men twist together, locked forever in their final battles,

Dashed to pieces by the metals of man.

Decay is quick.

Bravery is turned to dust effortlessly,

Lost forever.

As though it never were.

A red river, thick and dirtied, carries life from the fallen.

Into the chasms of the earth.

Providing nourishment
To hell.

The ground is soft here.

And the night is long.

A thunderous applause shatters the unnatural calm

Beyond the darkness

From afar.

But there is no rain.

The foundations of the earth are shaking.

Distant cries of terror are silenced.

As more graves are dug, effortlessly.

A desperate soul cries out,

Dear God

Help us, but come yourself, do not send your son

For this is no place

For children.

The ground is soft here...

Dawn.

The sun bleeds across the sleeping earth.

Warming her face and awakening her.

Rolling plains, as far as the eye can see.

Show no scars.

The bodies of the fallen long since lost;

Eradicated, by the churnings of time.

The ground is still red.

Bloodied.  Painted

An everlasting shrine to the perished

In the face of the scarlet flower.

Flourishing on the fallen

For eternity.

The ground is soft here,
And you cannot see the earth.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

My Soul Entire

This loneliness, this blackened void,

The charred remains of passion’s fire.

Left lying here, as constant toyed,

My heart, my breath, my soul entire.

With nothing left and all but gone,

You left me here to linger on.

I long for you on winter nights,

And pray for you in summer’s heat.

I see your face in starry lights,

And breathe your scent from linen sheets.

But now as echoes you remain,

You leave me here to bear the pain.

I step outside; I hear your voice,

Whisper on the wicked winds.

Denied the right to make a choice,

What was our crime, what were our sins?

That justifies us lovers parted,

Left nothing but the broken hearted

So now I walk this earth alone,

Nowhere to go, this pain won’t cease.

No one around to call my own,

No one to help me find my peace.

My heart, it floods, with constant fear,

I cannot live without you here.

I gaze into the endless sky,

As distant starlight’s shimmer round.

The tears roll gently from my eyes,

And patter softly on the ground.

I take one step, and then another,

Until the ground beneath is none.

I see your face my darling lover,

And close my eyes, and then it’s done

To leave behind this pointless life,

And join with you in paradise. 

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

The Way the World Ends

This is the way the world ends.

Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Do not fear the light of the dying star for it will yield no pain.

It is mortal, it is ended.

Fading out like the dimming of the candle, then extinguished, forever.

No light shall ever again grace these barren lands

As dust forever billows across its scarred surface

And drinks its voluptuous seas.

Like a standing ovation,

Brought to its knees.

This is the way the world ends.

The celestial dance shatters as the marbles of the universe scatter

Tumbling eternally through the blackness of time.

Erratic and meaningless as the horror of nothing

Becomes everything

At the end of all things.

Life fades on the horizon of eternity.

As lifeless as a doll,

Staring into emptiness,

Exhausted of soul.

This is the way the world ends.

Frozen remains long devoid of consciousness,

Drawn deeper into the dark.

Whispers of brilliance find no listener

In the nothing.

No heaven to accept the irrelevant traveller.

The hand of god can only reach so far.

Unable to halt the death knell chime

Echoing thunderously,

For all time.

This, is the way the world ends.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Animals

The Fury

Pitiful the morsels for the feeding of the rats,

Dished out unemotionally by vicious little cats,

Like vermin, out the rats they come and scurry back to hide,

Whilst all the while the fat cats feast voraciously outside.

The Persecuted

In the darkest corners of the high walled city streets,

The rank and rotten souls of human waste claw to compete,

Shuffling through the blackness with no light to shine the way,

Incarcerated minds that will not see the dawn of day.

But in these deepest caverns of the mountains made by man,

A foul and ancient evil weaves its spiteful master plan.

For in these fettered alleyways no man has power here,

The lost, condemned and damned are ruled by unrelenting fear.

The smog and putrefying air sits heavy all around,

As bodies of the weaker souls lie scattered on the ground.

For death does not discriminate amongst the cluttered throng,

His scythe of execution swipes erratically along.

The freezing air fast preserves the corpses of the fallen,

Their faces twisted painfully as death had overcome them.

The heavy snow, relentless in its everlasting fall,

A heaven sent salvation of a cold white burial.

The Choice

Decrepit are the backs of those on which they choose to ride,

The carriers of power burrow in from the outside.

Driven by the ignorance of hosts on which they feed,

And through which they do multiply with each new tiny seed.

A weakened mind, a fickle thing, is easier to corrupt,

So quickly will the blisters form and rapidly erupt.

And further spread well scripted lies as fast as forest fires

Burning all that stay the path of mankind’s great desires.

For power comes at such a price; mans soul in which to sell,

No longer need you thirty coins to pass the gates of hell.

The Fall

However on the cats there feeds the cunning little fleas,

Which unbeknownst to them do spread the vileness of disease.

So while the cats sit smugly by in utter self belief,

The swiftness of decay quickly rots them underneath.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Adieu

I’ve a book in one hand and a beer in the other,

With no soul around and no pain to suffer.

Not a care in the world as the black eats the blue,

It’s time to move on... but I’m thinking of you...

Get out of my head and exit my heart,

It's been but a month since you ripped us apart.

I’ve a cap on my head and a song in my ears,

But that message you sent has just brought me to tears.

I try to move on but each step that I take,

Is met with one back as I drown in my wake

So take back your words of affection and trust,

Our relationship built on loose shavings and dust.

I slap on some jeans and go to the town,

But seeing your face is bringing me down.

I claw at the walls in secret, alone.

This once caring heart is now rock solid stone.

I never stopped caring, to try and to love,

Met with disapproving eyes from above.

I open the sheets and crawl into bed,

And burrow to where you once lay your head.

Your scent is still buried, I draw in a breath,

But shadows and memories are all that is left.

Curl into a ball and cry off to sleep,

Alone in the darkness a soft, solemn weep.

I truly did love you and all that you are,

Your smile and your eyes that I longed from afar.

But you never did show that I meant this to you,

And I asked nothing more than for us to be true.

For a feeling of warmth, of love and compassion,

A want to see me... not dealt out in ration.

A reply to a call, a response to a text,

Not leaving me striving to better your ex.

My self esteem crushed, my confidence shattered,

You tore me apart and left my soul scattered

It was you that you loved; it was you that you pleased,

A chance to be absent was a chance often seized,

To survive on your own in a self absorbed bliss,

The perfect utopia for a narcissist.

They say love that's lost is better than none,

But a love barely gained has left me so numb.

You took what you wanted, discarded the rest,

No thought for what’s right or what may be best.

I was brought to my knees yet you still sought for more,

As I poured out my heart and wept on the floor.

But no lower I sank, no further to fall,

The bottomless pit had been reached after all...

For now I see you and all you really are,

A selfish expectant that loves from afar.

For I was no criminal, committed no crime,

I deserve so much more than a lover part-time.

You had it all there and it could have been right,

But you left me alone on too many a night.

And now I stand up, reassemble the puzzle,

Sift through the debris, restack the rubble.

Take back what is mine that I’d given away,

And show you my strength, less my weakness this day.

So take one last look as I turn and adieu,

Goodbye wasted love...

I feel nothing for you. 


Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

The Last Word...

Let’s stop and take a minute,

This isn’t what you want,

Why kid ourselves, why drag this out?

Why make this what it’s not about?

Why kick and scream and fight and shout?

It’s done let’s just move on

You say you want to love me,

You say it’s what you need,

But why should I just sit around,

And scrape my feet along the ground,

Leave you alone until you’ve found,

New hearts from which to feed

I show you that I love you,

I carve your name in flesh,

So in return you say you do,

But empty words these are, not true,

You say it’s not me, that it’s you,

You’ve made me such a mess.

You look at me, so fearful

And say I scare you so,

But it is I that suffers more,

I pour my heart out on the floor,

And scratch my face until it’s raw,

And yet you still let go.

What more could I have offered?

How much more blood to shed?

I gave my soul to you alone,

And etched our names in solid stone,

Placed you up high upon a throne,

Yet to you I am dead.

And now I see you leaving,

There’s nothing I can do,

You tore me up and left my mind,

Shattered, impossible to find,

A pleasant thought, a picture, kind,

It was not me... it’s you.

But I can play a trump card,

A hand you’ll never beat,

You think it’s easy to just leave,

And leave me here to sit a grieve,

What possibly could you achieve?

I’ll stay your wicked feet.

And no more will you torment,

Your path of pain will cease,

I will free you from your own cage,

In one almighty hand of rage,

And start anew, turn a fresh page...

Forever... be at peace...

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Waxen Wings

I feel the darkness creeping in,

Abhorrent beast of hate and sin,

I try to fight, not let it win,

But futile have my efforts been,

For in it seeps and overtakes,

Inside my soul, despair it wakes.

For happiness is hard to grasp,

Try as I might, it cannot last,

It’s never present, always past,

It stays so brief and goes so fast.

I thought I’d found it in those eyes,

But as before, it was but lies.

Why can I never find my peace?

Where is this pain, why does the beast,

Enrapture me and on me feast,

Upon my joy, for this has ceased,

And left me crying in the dark.

I fear I’ll hear no morning lark.

My life is but a carousel,

Around it goes, I cannot tell,

If I still ride or if I fell,

A prince in heaven, bound for hell,

As waxen wings decay and die;

I plummet through the blazing sky.

For life is but a simple task,

The meaning though you cannot ask,

You must traverse with any mask,

Your actions, choices, all are classed.

A short and crucial judgement plan,

Upon the very soul of man.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Swimming in a sea of sand,

Pushed by the soul, pulled by the hand.

The outside strong as insides rot,

A liquid mind that will not clot,

And spilling out onto the floor,

A fight, unbroken, I endure.

A desperate cry in an empty forum,

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

As dawn breaks through and sirens fly,

And open eyes begin to cry.

Dragged reluctantly from unwashed sheets,

Two faces in the mirror meet,

Exhausted, gaunt and full of sorrow,

They long for something else tomorrow,

Those sights too sad for those that saw them,

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

Heavy feet meet solid ground,

As snow falls endlessly around.

Cars drive past no souls to drive them,

Journeys, destinations, live men,

Driven to insanity.

An endless path stretched out before me.

Walking on, my spirit fallen,

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

Welter in well-known surroundings,

Tied in tight but no real groundings,

I stare out through the glass dividing,

From the outside, inside, hiding,

In a place where no-one can see,

Leave me here and let me be.

Curtains betray, and so I draw them

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

The emptiness consumes entire,

No drink can douse the raging fire

Nor can the food defeat the hunger,

An empty heart, no love to plunder.

Come not to save me, leave me here,

It’s not for you to interfere.

For those I loved I now abhor them.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

But at the bottom, here I realise

Judgements passed through fear and thick lies

Let those in that did not love me

Watched them judge from high above me

How could I have been so grounded?

Listened to their hate, unfounded?

I now must stand with lost decorum

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

And as I rise, I watch you fall,

For love was never here at all.

 

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin

Abyss

Candlelit vigil on the shores of the sea.

Submerged in the depths of the blue, endlessly

Awaiting a moment when the sorrow subsides,

And washes ashore with the turning of tides.

My clothes sodden through and an anchor to bear,

Threaten to drag me down from the air,

And into the deep where no-one will find me,

Wrap up my arms and ask them to bind me.

For I will not struggle nor cry out in fear,

There are none that will miss me when I am not here.

So let me slip gently under the waves,

And join countless others in watery graves.

Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin