Adieu

I’ve a book in one hand and a beer in the other,

With no soul around and no pain to suffer.

Not a care in the world as the black eats the blue,

It’s time to move on... but I’m thinking of you...

Get out of my head and exit my heart,

It's been but a month since you ripped us apart.

I’ve a cap on my head and a song in my ears,

But that message you sent has just brought me to tears.

I try to move on but each step that I take,

Is met with one back as I drown in my wake

So take back your words of affection and trust,

Our relationship built on loose shavings and dust.

I slap on some jeans and go to the town,

But seeing your face is bringing me down.

I claw at the walls in secret, alone.

This once caring heart is now rock solid stone.

I never stopped caring, to try and to love,

Met with disapproving eyes from above.

I open the sheets and crawl into bed,

And burrow to where you once lay your head.

Your scent is still buried, I draw in a breath,

But shadows and memories are all that is left.

Curl into a ball and cry off to sleep,

Alone in the darkness a soft, solemn weep.

I truly did love you and all that you are,

Your smile and your eyes that I longed from afar.

But you never did show that I meant this to you,

And I asked nothing more than for us to be true.

For a feeling of warmth, of love and compassion,

A want to see me... not dealt out in ration.

A reply to a call, a response to a text,

Not leaving me striving to better your ex.

My self esteem crushed, my confidence shattered,

You tore me apart and left my soul scattered

It was you that you loved; it was you that you pleased,

A chance to be absent was a chance often seized,

To survive on your own in a self absorbed bliss,

The perfect utopia for a narcissist.

They say love that's lost is better than none,

But a love barely gained has left me so numb.

You took what you wanted, discarded the rest,

No thought for what’s right or what may be best.

I was brought to my knees yet you still sought for more,

As I poured out my heart and wept on the floor.

But no lower I sank, no further to fall,

The bottomless pit had been reached after all...

For now I see you and all you really are,

A selfish expectant that loves from afar.

For I was no criminal, committed no crime,

I deserve so much more than a lover part-time.

You had it all there and it could have been right,

But you left me alone on too many a night.

And now I stand up, reassemble the puzzle,

Sift through the debris, restack the rubble.

Take back what is mine that I’d given away,

And show you my strength, less my weakness this day.

So take one last look as I turn and adieu,

Goodbye wasted love...

I feel nothing for you. 


Copyright © 2011 by Simon Austin